I remember her
When she was small
Knee-high to a grasshopper
So innocent
So believing
So trusting
I used to call her my little peacock
She would prance about
In fancy dress
Dig through her mother’s jewellery box
Picking out all the sapphires
Emeralds
Rubies
But never the diamonds
She would never wear white
Either
Only red or green
Blue or yellow
Anything, anything but white
She liked to be colourful
'Colours are beautiful'
She said.
Beautiful like her.
At school everyone loved her
Teachers, Students
She could brighten their day with a smile
They said
Tear up their sadness with her eyes
They said
Make them wish
That they had a child like her
Made them want to have a child
So that the child could be like her
She was always so bouncy, bubbly, energetic
Happy
And that was the way she wanted to be
I’d jiggle her up and down
On my knee
Read her stories
Which she’d devour with those huge eyes of hers
And always beg for more.
But then she grew up
Became so close to her friends
She trusted everything they said
Never doubted them
Wanted to be like them
In the same way that
They wanted to be like her
So when they started smoking
She never thought twice
Then they moved onto more dangerous
Illegal
Things
Like
Drugs
And that’s when it all got worse
She’d come home late at night
With rings around her eyes
Snappy
On a low
After being on the high
That made her crave more
I guess it was too much
Too much to bear
It went too far
It was too much
Pressure
She took
Too much
She wanted
Too much
She disciplined herself
But not enough
And I think to myself now
How could such a perfect child
Become what she became
And every time
I remember the good
Try to forget the bad
And it kills me every time.
It kills me.
Every
Single
Time.